She ripped the headphones out of her ears and started to speak but words did not come from her mouth just broken stammers. I finally knelt down next ...o the tub and put a finger over her lips and she relaxed. She finally said, I'm sorry, I opened your laptop this morning to go online and found a porn site open and I was worked up from hoping to have all kinds of sex with weekend and I couldn't help it. I told her to relax, I'm upset or mad or anything, then I stood up and revealed the tent my. Then it got me wondering what she had on underneath the covers, she smiled at me then I sat on the bed started talking to her, her likes and dislikes. We carried on a conversation for a little, but she never got from underneath the covers. But later on she said she was cold that why she was covered up. So I told her I was going to bed. Then asked her if she had plans or was she was going to sleep in my room tonight. She answered saying that she was waiting for her friend Sierra to come back.. It'd make mommy so happy."She noticed my puzzlement and confusion. On the one hand, I was a boy and boys don't wear lipstick. On the other hand, I adored my mother. She was so beautiful. I wanted to please her and be just like her. Still, I was a boy."No, mom," I replied, "lipstick's for girls, not boys." Don't be silly," mother responded. "Don't you think I know that? I'm not saying you should wear it all the time, or outside, or to school. Just here, darling. Just for fun. Just for mommy. To. . you know, it didn't even really hurt that much? I could even understand where he was coming from. I'd been there. What really hurt? What really destroyed me? It was understanding what I'd done to Joe all those years ago. The realization. It just ... pierced me, in my heart."I knew something was missing from my marriage to Peter, but I never really thought about what it was. It was Joe. He loved me for who he thought I was. Nothing more. Peter loved me because I'd do some of the kinky things.
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